Finally some good news!

My May 2009 checkup has revealed that the tumor has started flattening and that the bood vessels in my eye are returning to normal.

And I don’t have to come back in 6 months, I am due back in about 9 months for my next checkup.

I have been really stressing out over the last few weeks, dreading this checkup and possible negative results but that is now past. What a relief!

Life is shining again!

With the “non-improvement” diagnosis of last November I have had a real hard time finding joy in the life I have.

Mostly I am a happy guy, going about my business… but the thought of whatever might be growing inside me, turning cell against cell, is scaring the hell out of me.

This is a New Year, new challenges, new obligations, new directions.

I want to thank all of you that have emailed me with letters of support, of sharing your stories with me.

I will not fade quietly, I promise you that.

This six month checkup has come and gone… with no clear answer as to the state of the cancer that hides behind my eye.

Has the tumor shrunk? Gotten larger?

Are the blood vessels that fed the tumor still working even after the proton radiation treatment?

From this trip there are no answers… nothing positive, nothing negative.

Once again I find my life, my future, in limbo.

There has been pain in my eye, in my head and there is a distinct redness, broken blood vessels, in my eye. If I can I will post a picture…

I am using eye drops as my doctor believes, at this checkup, that the tear ducts in my eye are no longer functioning.

Eye drops, every 2 to 4 hours, is a chore, but it does ease the eye pain I have been feeling lately, over the last few months. Is this the deterioration of my eye that will lead me to losing it? These thoughts race through my head regularly, But enough already.

I will wait, for the, whatever it is, to develop. I have no other choice, do I?

Right now it’s a normal night, but yet it’s full of tension, as far as I am feeling.

My wife and I are packing our suitcase (a large, shared one) in preparation of our traveling to Vancouver tomorrow, for my 6 month checkup on Monday.

It’s hard for me to be prepared for anything these days… my thoughts are askew… it’s hard to maintain a straight mental focus on the job at hand… excluding my jobs, of course.

Any distraction from the reality of having an unknowable cancer within my body is a distraction I will gladly accept.

And Monday will let me know what my future holds… or it won’t.