I am having a hard time with the pain.

I am currently taking 1200mg of gabapentin 4 times a day, the maximum dose my neurologist said I could take. My next appointment with her, my neurologist, is December 2. That’s right, just about 9 months away.

I haven’t seen her in about 18 months. I’m almost certain that she didn’t suspect that this pain would progress as much as it has, but waiting is part of the game now.

Of course, I will be calling her office every day to see if there is a cancelled appointment that I can get.

Such is life.

The Pain Experience

The joints in my hands feel like they are, alternately, being pushed apart and compressed.

My face feels like it is swollen.

My feet are very cold and sore.

There is very little relief throughout the day.

My concentration is shot, carrying thoughts are often very difficult. And, apparently, I have mood swings.

Not only does it suck to be me but it also sucks to be around me.

At least it’s almost bed time, there will be some relief if I can get some sleep.

Just a quick note to say I am still kicking around.

It’s been months since I’ve updated this blog and that’s simply because I have had nothing positive to say.

The pain is still very much real, torture really.

I am maxing out on my meds and am worried what the next course of action will be.

My next cancer checkup in a few weeks away and, as always, I am worried what the tests will reveal.

Scared? Hell yes.

It’s been a while since I’ve updated this… I am doing well, better than expected, as far as I see things.

I am now wearing glasses, the trials of getting older are showing their effects.

I am getting more tired doing the regular things of life… driving, working… Concentration is getting harder to keep directed.

Now direct evidence of the cancer spreading but I got a checkup last week because I’ve been having a difficulty swallowing. Sometimes things just feel they get stuck in the bottom of my throat. It’s a weird feeling, like your throat is closing up, almost.

Otherwise I am well. Working hard, trying to keep a positive attitude and provising for my family the best I can.

Finally some good news!

My May 2009 checkup has revealed that the tumor has started flattening and that the blood vessels in my eye are returning to normal.

And I don’t have to come back in 6 months, I am due back in about 9 months for my next checkup.

I have been really stressing out over the last few weeks, dreading this checkup and possible negative results but that is now past. What a relief!

Life is shining again!