A new month is like a celebration, turn the page on the calendar and look back at how far you’ve come.
I am celebrating for the couple of months that have been (almost) 100% headache-free.
I am making progress, with the help of my wife, towards a new future of hope.
I just wish it was as bright as should be promised. I’ll always have the covering cloud of cancer, a cancer that easily metabolizes through the liver and the rest of your body without warning.
I am learning humility; I am learning to be at peace with what I can and cannot do, but to not create false boundaries upon myself; I am learning to better understand the needs of others while preparing those I love for when I am gone (or, hopefully for them to endure me for a long time yet!). I am learning to make promises that I CAN keep and to not break those that I have made so far.
I am learning that I can learn moreâ€¦
I am now a couple of weeks away from my next 6 month check-up. I have been having some very painful episodes from my left eye (or what is left of it) of varying degrees for the last several, now 9, days. I do not want to lose my eye. I am allowed to be that vain, aren’t I?
I am concerned that my wife, now that she is used to looking up “ocular melanoma” on the internet and has been reading other people’s experiences, that she will also see me as a “cause of concern”. I am scared of her being scared, more that I am of finding out that the cancer has spread or that I am soon to be “not well” soon.
Worrying about her being worried about me has become a full-time task.
I have work to do, in all kinds of areas, personal and professional. We will talk again soon.