The worse possible diagnosis has been made so far

I have returned from my latest doctor visit.

The tumor in my eye, the second tumor that was discovered in February 2011, because of it’s size, blood vessel penetration and closeness to the outer part of my eye, my doctor recommends the removal of my eye.

I had a CT scan done as well during this visit and there is a possibility of cancerous growths on my liver. The current prognosis is that there are “liver lesions that are cystic in appearance” as well as “solid lesions are certainly suspicious for metastatic disease and further imaging workup is required”.

So the sum of it all is that i wait for a follow-up MRI to determine what is on the liver and that I need to decide if I will have my left eye removed to prevent the possibility of the spread of cancer to my internal organs. I have about 2 months to decide on the removal of my eye.

Of course, if I already have cancer of the liver removing my eye will be a moot point.

So what do I hope for here?

I am so scared.